diving deep into self-love (and why it’s so important)
Now, nearly 4 years into my self-love journey, I can truly say that self-love is what sets you free. If you’re anything like me, you have a LOT of love to give, and sometimes you find yourself giving that love to those who don’t receive it, reciprocate it, or simply deserve it. When this happens, who’s the first we blame? Yup, ourselves. The spiral begins; “Why don’t they like me?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Am I not pretty/funny/talented enough?” and the list goes on. This may sound all too familiar, but that’s all about to change.
At one point in my life, I repeated this cycle countless times. I would turn inwards and try to find what was “wrong” with me - not realizing that THAT is what was wrong all along. The self-deprecation, self-blame, and basically picking myself apart trying to find out what about ME was the reason I wouldn’t get the boy or opportunity I was hoping for.
Well, flash forward to now, and I have completely transformed my relationship with myself. I look in the mirror and love who’s looking back at me, unconditionally. I’ve now attracted relationships, jobs, connections, and blessings into my life I didn’t even know I wanted until they manifested in such abundance. The best part? This all started when I changed the narrative; began working on my self-concept and diving into building an incredible relationship with myself. I noticed that all other aspects of my life improved drastically, and continue improving with this ever evolving journey of self-love.
It is important to remember before reading the techniques I list below that where you are is OKAY and exactly where you’re meant to be. Everyone has their own story, and the only one you need to focus on is your own. Avoid comparing yourself to others, as that will slow this process down drastically. Focus on coming into alignment with the love that is inherently you, one day at a time.
This will take some time, and be a bit uncomfortable at first, but that’s when the most growth truly begins. I promise, when you make this dedication to yourself, and each day take small action steps towards the ultimate goal of authentic self-love, the changes in your life will be huge (and in the best ways!). The fact that you’re reading this is a sign you’re meant to be here, so take it! You are so incredibly worthy of all the love in the world, and it’s time to believe it.
Eliminating old beliefs
Before establishing a healthier, more loving relationship with yourself, you must first let go of any old and limiting beliefs. Anything that you tell yourself that isn’t from the place of love and appreciation is no longer invited to the party. Try writing them out; what kinds of self-deprecating lies flood your thoughts often?
Maybe it’s something like “I’m too fat/skinny, I hate my nose, I’m not worthy of _____, I wish I wasn’t so _____. Write them out on a piece of paper, then next to it, write the opposite (more positive) version. “I’m perfect the way I am. I love my nose. I’m worthy of all I desire. I am beautiful.” See how much better these feel already? Go through and cross off the “old beliefs” and begin affirming these new beliefs until they become your truth!
It may feel a little odd at first. To speak kindly to yourself and compliment yourself if you’ve grown so accustomed to tearing yourself down. Be patient with yourself. Inherently, you are love and will get back to that place naturally the more you affirm it, practice it, and believe it, even when it feels difficult.
Affirm your truth
In the last exercise, you started your list of positive affirmations. Expand this list! What are the areas of your life/body/relationships/health/career that you want to improve? Find affirmations that encourage the love in all of these areas and speak them aloud to yourself at least once a day; preferably first thing in the morning or right before you go to sleep- the two most important times of the day to raise your vibration.
Some examples:
I radiate love, beauty, and confidence everywhere I go
I am strong, healthy, and sexy
I am so thankful for my amazing body and all she/he/they does for me.
I am a magnet and irresistible to all I desire
I am the embodiment of love
I attract the best out of everyone and everything around me
I am worthy of all my desires and receive them with an open heart
visualize your desired reality/self
Now that you have your affirmations and spoke them to yourself in the mirror, visualize the version of you who embodies all of these things NOW. The version of you that you dream to be. Now close your eyes and visualize living that life and feel all of the feelings that come with it.
What are you wearing? Where do you live? Who are you with? Feel how that next-level you feels living that life; confident, love, free, happy, successful, enthusiastic. Once you get into the feeling place of already living that dream life, open your eyes and go about your day knowing you already ARE this version of you and are now more powerfully attracting all of your desires into your reality physically.
The more you do this and feel the love and appreciation for what you want before it’s manifested, the quicker it manifests; including true self-love and worth.
embody it all
The quickest way to becoming the most bad-a**, confident you is by acting as-if you already have the qualities that make you next-level. Start dressing how you want to dress in your dream life, implement healthy habits into your routine, add events to your schedule you see yourself normally attending.
Once you begin embodying the characteristics and lifestyle that your “dream” version of you lives, you’ll soon begin realizing you are living that life already and the gap between dream and reality gets smaller and smaller with each day. Begin falling in love with yourself and life again by doing what you love and what holistically improves your daily life!
own your power.
You are the only YOU to ever exist in all of history. If that isn’t some powerful sh*t, I don’t know what is. Start owning the power of being authentically yourself. No one can do the things you do in the exact way you do them. The way you smile at the little things, have one dimple on your right cheek, light up at the sight of someone you love. Those small nuances in addition to the big amazing qualities that make up who you are, those are your superpowers!
No more comparing. Everyone has their strengths and “weaknesses”, but once you put your energy into what makes you powerful, the more you begin to love all that makes you, you! You have more power than you’ll ever know, time to step out and own it.
Look in the mirror
Try looking at yourself in the mirror for at least 30 seconds without looking away. At first, you might pick out all the things you don’t like. That’s okay, keep trying. Every time you catch yourself in your reflection, try to compliment at least one thing you love about yourself.
Do this everyday, at least 3 times a day. I promise, it gets easier. After a couple weeks, you’ll look at yourself with pure, genuine self-love and feel more beautiful inside and out. It all starts with changing the narrative about what you see from judgement to appreciation.
fuel your body
Yes, the mental and spiritual aspects of self-love are SO important, but so are the physical. When you eat cleaner foods, your body will begin to respond with vibrant energy. High-vibrational foods; plant-based proteins, fruits, vegetables- are so crucial to improving self-image and self-love because they hold so many beneficial properties.
Since they come directly from the Earth, your body absorbs all of the natural nutrients found in these foods and begins literally changing from the inside out. Try incorporating more plant based foods into your meals and notice how your skin begins to glow, eyes get whiter, face de-puffens, and you’ll naturally feel lighter and more radiant!
Move your body
Endorphins baby. There’s a reason why exercise is sometimes considered a “happiness drug.” The release of toxins and boost of serotonin after a good workout can lead to amazing improvements in many aspect of life. You’ll not only be more energized, but you will sleep better, feel happier, build muscle, improve mental health, and lower the risk for many diseases.
This doesn’t mean you need to do HIIT and Strength training six times a week. It can be as simple as a 1-2 mile walk with your dog! Just get up, move your body in whatever way feels best to you, and have fun!
Surround yourself with the right people
The way you feel about yourself is reflected in those around you. You’ll begin to notice that as you improve your self-love, a lot of people may begin to walk out of your life. This will most likely be the toxic relationships, people who are always negative and judgemental, and anyone who has lower vibrational energy.
At the same time, you’ll begin to attract many new, wonderful relationships. People who reflect the love you have and the love you give. Be aware of these shifts. Soon, you’ll be surrounded by people who support you, encourage you, and mirror the qualities you love so much in yourself and those around you.
Take risks
Think about that one thing you REALLY want to do, but have a little voice of fear holding you back from doing it. Now, I know it sounds scary, but I promise you it’s scarier to look back wishing you did something than just taking a leap of faith and doing it!
What’s meant for you is already yours, so trust that. If you keep debating sending that text to the person you like, applying to your dream job, or taking a big risk without a clue what’s next; this is your sign to just take it.
Take the risk, send the text, apply to the job. Life is meant to be full of experiences that excite us, help us grow, and discover all that we love so we can expand those very things throughout our journey. No more letting others, but especially yourself, stop you from what lights up your soul!
Get Glam
Sometimes an instant confidence boost is all we need. So, if you find yourself in a downward spiral or headspace, get glammed up. Even if it’s for nothing other than feeling like a baddie and dancing to Lizzo in the mirror. I cannot tell you enough how often I do this, and unashamedly. It WORKS. It’s not a “waste of makeup” if it’s making you feel happier and boosts your self-love. You are HOT. Time to remind yourself of it.
Try something new, and often
This kind’ve falls under the “take risks” category, but try something new at least once a week. It doesn’t have to be crazy like skydiving (unless that’s up your alley, then go for it!). It can be something as simple and trying a new recipe to discover a new meal you love.
Or, take it to the next level and go Vegan for a week (you may never go back, like me!). We are meant to have new experiences. They’re what help us learn about what we love, meet others, and open doors we never even knew were there for us to open! Sometimes, the best parts of life come from unexpected, last minute plans.
Radiate your LIGHT!
Each of us has a beautiful light inside that is waiting to be shared with the world. Yours deserves to be shone from the rooftops! Being showing up for you, everyday. That won’t always look the same, and that’s okay! That light never goes away, it just takes some nurturing to feel ready to glow as brightly as possible. Don’t be afraid to light up any room you walk into. Once you become so confident in yourself and love yourself unapologetically, that light radiates naturally.
start your morning right
What’s the first thing you say when you wake up? I know it seems simple, but the first thoughts you think in the morning have the power to determine how a majority of your day will go. If you always wake up and think, “ugh. I don’t want to get up. Monday’s suck.” Then guess what? That’s going to be true!
Remember, you have more power than you realize with the thoughts you think and dialogue you speak. Try waking up and smiling, even if it’s forced at first. Over time, you’ll be waking up happy, immediately.
My favorite way to wake up is by smiling and saying “Today is a beautiful day to have a beautiful day. I choose to make it so.” This is before I check my phone or even open the blinds. I decide before anything that I am going to have a great day and own my power. It’s amazing how much better every “average” day seems by entering each new day with positive vibrations and expectations.
persist, persist, persist
MOST IMPORTANT! The best things in life take TIME. A true, deep connection to yourself and ultimate self-love take consistent, daily action. You must be dedicated to the art of healing your relationship with you, nurturing it, and growing it daily. The more you implement any (or all) of the techniques I’ve shared above, the more you’ll want to do more! It’s like coming home to yourself all over again.
Remember, we are meant to love and be love, society and social constructs have just convinced us otherwise. Now is the time to take control, shine your light, own your POWER and LOVE YOURSELF. I promise you, once you do, you’ll never look back. Everything gets better; career, relationships, health, and lifestyle. It all starts with you.
Have FUN!
I have to admit, this blog post may seem a bit intimidating. It’s probably the longest one I have ever written. But if anything, that goes to show how much I truly believe in what I’ve shared and how it really works.
Speaking from experience, doing these things along with other holistically healthy habits has led to the best I have ever felt in my life. I’m genuinely happy, healthier than ever, and good things seem to unfold around me everyday. I’ve overcome a ton of self-doubt, anxiety, and limiting beliefs I used to convince myself were true. This isn’t to say I don’t have days where I feel down, insecure, or have fears.
We’re still human. Don’t think any progress is lost or erased because of a hard day, week, or month. Let’s be real, a LOT is happening in the world right now. A lot is happening in our personal lives that others may know nothing about. That’s why self-love is so personal. It’s you and you, and that’s all you need.
Remember, it is a journey not a sprint. Be kind to yourself. Do things to make you happy without needing a reason other than “I want to!” You deserve to feel SO loved, it’s time to allow it in, beginning with you. You’ve got this, I believe in you.
Say it with me:
“I am exactly where I’m meant to be, and love myself more each day.”
Now go shine!
All my love,
Alyssa
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